Don't Know Where Else to Express Myself

It's been a while since I came back to you, my good old blog.  There was a time when I thought I should just be more outspoken, be a human and talk to a human when I needed somewhere to express myself. Now is the time when I rather vent out in my blog.

I can have all the time to gather my thoughts and explain myself thoroughly without getting misunderstood from a negative standpoint before I even finish or given the benefit of the doubt. Oh my good old blog, how I miss you right now.

I haven't had the time to think a lot in recent years.  Not as much as I used to or want to, in my own little bubble where I can just be totally quiet and think. This had somehow cause me to be less patient and more short tempered.  I get frustrated because I can't think of a solution when issues cropped up and I don't have enough time to think.  This is mostly due to change of lifestyle, environment and responsibilities.

With a recent casual trip to a Buddhist temple made me realise that I have been lost in the world of pursuing for the endless.  I still want to hold on to the selflessness teaching of Buddhism. Of course I understand I can never to entirely selfless to everything.  But I can try be selfless to my family and love ones.

However, sometimes being selfless still cannot stop others from being frustrated or angry at me for actions or speeches of which I had no ill intention to begin with, however ended up being misconstrued as having an agenda behind. I feel lost. Losing words and losing actions. Silence seems to be the only way to stop an argument from getting worse.  Then again, it is not.

I have never had ill intention nor have an agenda behind the action and speeches that I made.  I just want to speak out on what I think is right.  It is okay if others don't agree with me. I can walk away with that if others don't agree with me. There's no need to start a shouting match to decide who is right and who is wrong.  After all, everyone is brought up differently and has very different beliefs.

All I long for, is peace. I am not a perfect being in any way.  I say the wrong thing all the time, but never with bad intention. I do not believe a perfect being exist either. It's about being perfectly imperfect and choose not to look at the bad but for the good can we truly attain inner peace.

End of rant. Kthxbai.