15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

I have stumble upon this great sharing on FB.  Have a read.  I have decided to share it in my blog so that I get to remind myself when I feel down, when I need that smack on my cheek to wake up from negativity and when I doubt myself.

I do not own this article. You can find the original from PurposeFairy.com

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT

 There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?”Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. GIVE UP YOUR NEED FOR CONTROL

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. GIVE UP ON BLAME

 Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. GIVE UP YOUR SELF-DEFEATING SELF-TALK

 Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. GIVE UP YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS

about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. GIVE UP COMPLAINING

 Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. GIVE UP THE LUXURY OF CRITICISM

Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO IMPRESS OTHERS

Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. GIVE UP YOUR RESISTANCE TO CHANGE

 Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. GIVE UP LABELS

 Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. GIVE UP ON YOUR FEARS

Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. GIVE UP YOUR EXCUSES

Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. GIVE UP THE PAST

I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. GIVE UP ATTACHMENT

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. GIVE UP LIVING YOUR LIFE TO OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPECTATIONS

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

Why?

Why the most matured always have to be the tough one?
Why people always perceive the tough one will always be fine, so they are always given the shorter end of the straw?

Does anyone know it is those tough and mature ones that needed the most care and love because it is hard being everyone's pillar but to end up not having pillars of their own? No matter how tough a person is, there will be a day he/she gets tired and wish for a safety port.

You can't lose what you don't own

It's been almost a year since I posted a blog titled "what we don't bring, we can't take away".  Today I have to remind myself again not to hold it so tightly on things.  If I remind myself I never own it to begin with, I shouldn't be afraid to lose it at all.

I'm back again

Took the opportunity of being at Taipei for a business trip to go to Jiou Fen (Jiu Fen). I love the most about this place is a particular tea house. Chinese type.

It was 2 years ago when I was here with my mate Tai, his now fiancé and my then gf. It was nostalgic being here 2 years later, the different thing this time around were that I was there by myself, my then gf is now someone else's fiancé and even though I'm still sitting at exactly the same table with exactly the same scenery, I wasn't smoking like the first time I was there.

It's amazing how much have change since 2 years ago, not the place but the people.

Burnt out

When I'm all stressed out, tired, moody and emo, all I want is to lie beside her and to listen to how her day went by.

Calling it quit

It has been exactly 3 months since I had my last cigarette. I had called it a quit and I have maintained it without sucking one, though it was kinda tough in the beginning nonetheless I've made it through.

First Business Trip

In about an hour's time I'm going to make my first business trip for this new company. Im going to Taipei. Things in this company ticks differently, traveling is by claim basis instead of allowances basis.

Anyhow, it does feel there's a lot at stake here. Seems like my 2 bigger bosses are quite anxious to see how I perform and at the same time fear that I'll make a fool out of myself. I think the Indian colleagues whom I'm going Taipei to help seems intimidated when I was assigned to this project. I suppose most people would too if a new guy is assigned to you in the midst of your project, because people will tend to think that they are doing a good enough job that's why help is sent.

Anyhow, all I can do is to perform my best and let nature takes its course. Fingers crossed!

Life Changing

Exactly 2 weeks ago, I made one of the biggest move so far in my life. March 10th, 2012 I moved to Singapore. Starting a new routine, new environment, new country, new job, new company, new responsibility and most importantly a new life.

The new colour in life is white and blue... gone was the white and red. So far it has been great experience. I still feel I'm charged and excited with all these changes and challenges. Being patient and tackling one challenge at a time. After all, as people say, the 3 biggest changes in life is to change job, change home and getting married, I have placed myself in 2 of it.

It has been great so far with tonnes of help and advises from friends and dear. Without them I wouldn't have been able to settle down so quickly and smoothly. Thank you all. Thank you dear.

Let this be the beginning of a great great journey in life!

Mama said...

Something that I stumbled upon in FB that I would like to share...


媽媽這樣對出嫁的女兒說:
Māmā zhèyàng duì chūjià de nǚ'ér shuō:
Mama told her bride to be daughter as such:

媽媽說，生氣的時候不要吵架，可以不說話，不洗他衣服 ，但是，不要和他吵架。
Māmā shuō, shēngqì de shíhou bùyào chǎojià, kěyǐ bù shuōhuà, bù xǐ tā yīfú, dànshì, bùyào hé tā chǎojià.
Mama said, don't quarrel when you are angry, you can be silent, ignore the laundry, but do not quarrel with him.

媽媽說，和 男人 吵架了不要跑到外面去張揚，他向你邁進一步，你就向他走兩步。
Māmā shuō, hé nánrén chǎo jià liǎo bùyào pǎo dào wàimiàn qù zhāngyáng, tā xiàng nǐ mài jìnyībù, nǐ jiù xiàng tā zǒu liǎng bù.
Mama said, don't publicise to the world when you quarrel with your man, when he wants you to take 1 step towards him, you march 2 steps towards him instead.

媽媽說，家是 女人 的大本營，發生什麼事情都不要走。因為，回來路的很難。
Māmā shuō, jiā shì nǚrén de dàběnyíng, fāshēng shénme shìqíng dōu bùyào zǒu. Yīnwèi, huílái lù de hěn nán.
Mama said, home is a woman's safety port, do not walk away no matter what happen. This is because the road to return is tough.

媽媽說，兩個人在家不要老想著面子，兩個人過日子，面子很重要？那在外面怎麼 生活 ？
Māmā shuō, liǎng gèrén zàijiā bùyào lǎo xiǎngzhe miànzi, liǎng gèrén guòrìzi, miànzi hěn zhòngyào? Nà zài wàimiàn zěnme shēnghuó?
Mama said, a couple should not be egoistic towards each other. If ego is so important when you are living under the same roof, what will happen when you have to make a living out there?

媽媽說，不管一個男人多有錢，他還是希望可以看到乾乾淨淨的你在乾乾淨淨地家等他。
Māmā shuō, bùguǎn yīgè nánrén duō yǒu qián, tā háishì xīwàng kěyǐ kàn dào gān gānjìng jìng de nǐ zài gān gānjìng jìng de jiā děng tā.
Mama said, no matter how wealthy a man is, we would still yearn to see a pleasant you waiting for him in the your comfortable home.

媽媽說，好男人很多，他不會去抱別的女人。但是這種社會，很多壞女人會伸手去抱你的男人。
Māmā shuō, hǎo nánrén hěnduō, tā bù huì qù bào bié de nǚrén. Dànshì zhè zhǒng shèhuì, hěnduō huài nǚrén huì shēnshǒu qù bào nǐ de nánrén.
Mama said, there are plenty of good men out there. He may not go around hugging other girls. However in the current society, there are plenty of ill intention women who will reach out to hug your man.

媽媽說，女人一定要出去工作，不管錢賺得多或是少，工作就是自己人生價值的體現。你一直在家，男人有機會在你面前說：“是我在養你。”
Māmā shuō, nǚrén yīdìng yào chūqù gōngzuò, bùguǎn qián zhuàn de duō huò shì shǎo, gōngzuò jiùshì zìjǐ rénshēng jiàzhí de tǐxiàn. Nǐ yīzhí zàijiā, nánrén yǒu jīhuì zài nǐ miànqián shuō:“Shì wǒ zài yǎng nǐ.”
Mama said, woman should have her own career. No matter how much you earn, to career is a reflection of the life value. If you always staying at home, your man has the chance say, "It is I who are providing for you."

媽媽說，你在外面工作，家裏的事情再忙也要做，不然花自己的錢請個鐘點工。家裏的事情一定要好好做，小孩也要好好教。
Māmā shuō, nǐ zài wàimiàn gōngzuò, jiā lǐ de shìqíng zài máng yě yào zuò, bùrán huā zìjǐ de qián qǐng gè zhōngdiǎngōng. Jiā lǐ de shìqíng yīdìng yào hǎohǎo zuò, xiǎohái yě yào hǎohǎo jiào.
Mama said, you should not neglect the house chores no matter how occupied you are with your career, otherwise spend money on a part-time cleaner. House chores should be well taken care of and children should be well taught and mannered.

媽媽說，他為你做了意想不到的事情，你可以感動，可以誇獎，千萬不要嘲諷地說“太陽從西邊出來了啊”，如果這樣，以後他不會為你做任何事情。
Māmā shuō, tā wèi nǐ zuòle yì xiǎngbùdào de shìqíng, nǐ kěyǐ gǎndòng, kěyǐ kuājiǎng, qiānwàn bùyào cháofèng de shuō “tàiyáng cóng xībian chūláile a”, rúguǒ zhèyàng, yǐhòu tā bù huì wèi nǐ zuò rènhé shìqíng.
Mama said, be touched and praise him when he surprise you with something pleasant. Do not sneer and say "the sun must be rising from the west today". If that's what you said, he will never do anything for you again.

媽媽說，誰都不是誰的另一半，你的想法不說出來誰會瞭解？需要什麼感受，討厭什麼事情，你告訴別人，別人才會懂。
Māmā shuō, shuí dōu bùshì shuí de lìng yībàn, nǐ de xiǎngfǎ bù shuō chūlái shuí huì liǎojiě? Xūyào shénme gǎnshòu, tǎoyàn shénme shìqíng, nǐ gàosu biérén, bié réncái huì dǒng.
Mama said, no one is literally the other's better half, when you don't talk about your thoughts no one will understand. Others will know only if you tell them the type of expression you need and things that you don't like.

媽媽說，他的父母也是你的父母，就算他的父母對你不是很好，你也要對他們好。因為他們是他的父母。
Māmā shuō, tā de fùmǔ yěshì nǐ de fùmǔ, jiùsuàn tā de fùmǔ duì nǐ bùshì hěn hǎo, nǐ yě yào duì tāmen hǎo. Yīnwèi tāmen shì tā de fùmǔ.
Mama said, his parents are your parents too. You have to treat his parents with respect no matter how they mistreat you. This is because they are his parents.

媽媽說，決定和什麼人在一起了，就不要去埋怨苦日子，既然你選擇了他，就不要去埋怨他。
Māmā shuō, juédìng hé shénme rén zài yīqǐle, jiù bùyào qù mányuàn kǔ rìzi, jìrán nǐ xuǎnzéle tā, jiù bùyào qù mányuàn tā.
Mama said, once you have decided who you want to spend your life with do not complain about a tough life. Since you have made your decision do not grumble at him.

媽媽說，那麼有錢有什麼用，人呢？人在哪里？
Māmā shuō, nàme yǒu qián yǒu shé me yòng, rén ne? Rén zài nǎlǐ?
Mama said, so what if he is wealthy? Where is he?

媽媽說，我們這輩子能花多少錢？不要買什麼奢侈品，過得 幸福 就好。
Māmā shuō, wǒmen zhè bèi zǐ néng huā duōshǎo qián? Bù yāo mǎi shénme shēchǐ pǐn,guò de xìngfú jiù hǎo.
Mama said, how much can we spend in a whole lifetime? Live a blessed and happy life is what you need, not a luxurious material life.

媽媽說，不要唬小孩“媽媽不要你”，不要生氣地時候把小孩推出門，如果他真的不見了，你會很痛苦。
Māmā shuō, bùyào hu xiǎohái “māmā bùyào nǐ”, bùyào shēngqì dì shíhou bǎ xiǎohái tuīchū mén, rúguǒ tā zhēn de bùjiànle, nǐ huì hěn tòngkǔ.
Mama said, do not threaten your kids with "I don't want you anymore". Do not push him out the door when you are furious of the things they do. This is because you will be in pain if you really lose them.

媽媽說，不要打小孩，更不要在外面打。
Māmā shuō, bùyào dǎ xiǎohái, gèng bùyào zài wàimiàn dǎ.
Mama said, do not use physical punishment on your kids. Worse still to do it in public.

媽媽說，打打殺殺的愛很刺激，也很浪漫。但是，不現實。普通就好。
Māmā shuō, dǎ dǎ shā shā de ài hěn cìjī, yě hěn làngmàn. Dànshì, bù xiànshí. Pǔtōng jiù hǎo.
Mama said, dramatic relationship is exciting and romantic. However it is unrealistic. Ordinary one will do.

媽媽說，什麼都是緣分。
Māmā shuō, shénme dōu shì yuánfèn.
Mama said, it is fate that brings people together.

媽媽說，生命無常，要好好珍惜每一天。
Māmā shuō, shēngmìng wúcháng, yào hǎohǎo zhēnxī měi yītiān.
Mama said, treasure everyday because life is fickle and fragile.

30 Things to Start/Stop Doing to Yourself

Received another good reading from a friend recently. 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself and 30 Things to Start Doing.

Everything is very true. I have had numerous friends who talked to me over time about life in every aspect. This read really sums it all on the advice I always gave them. Have a read on the links.

I agree with every single piece of it, but I will quote a few that I love most from the "Things to Stop".

Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.

Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.

Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.

Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

And for the "Things to Start", I love these:

Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.

Start noticing and living in the present. – Right now is a miracle. Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future. Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past. Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening. Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now.

Start being more polite to yourself. – If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will.

Start being more open about how you feel. – If you’re hurting, give yourself the necessary space and time to hurt, but be open about it. Talk to those closest to you. Tell them the truth about how you feel. Let them listen. The simple act of getting things off your chest and into the open is your first step toward feeling good again.

Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – Henry David Thoreau once said, “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night. You didn’t go to sleep outside. You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning. You hardly broke a sweat today. You didn’t spend a minute in fear. You have access to clean drinking water. You have access to medical care. You have access to the Internet. You can read. Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.

Regrets

This is something I saw and thought I would share. These are definitely the reasons why I'm trying my best to take risks in life. Enjoy the read.

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.

I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never
became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a
result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical
details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end.
That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what  others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.