Please forgive me

Please forgive me for not being able to talk to you while you are angry and have to resort to writing because I am always not able to finish making a statement without provoking you into a fit of rage.

Please forgive me for not being a romantic because I repeatedly inform you of the soup I boiled ready for you to drink after a long day's work via Whatsapp and not a post-it note at home.

Please forgive me for being quiet sometimes when we were together because with the stress of being the sole bread winner of my family, striving at work planning to provide you with a better life, apart from the on-going house chores, I just want to be by your side and quietly enjoy you telling me about your day instead of saying something wrong to upset you.

Please forgive me for being quiet sometimes when you lecture me because if neither of us give in on an argument, there will only be losers, no winner.

Please forgive me for being a nag on you on the house chores because sometimes I feel the same as you do, stress and fatigue at work plus other family issues, just wanting to laze around not doing the chores. Someone still has to do it at the end of the day.

Please forgive me for frustrating you with questions about your job sometimes because you work in an industry that I have no experience in, and I am trying to understand what are the stresses that you faced, of which are different from the stresses that I also face in my line of work.

Please forgive me for provoking you into anger because I asked questions that are so obvious to you, but not to me.

Please forgive me for making you mad by constantly challenging you very carefully on statements or facts that you make because you once told me that it is better that I correct you than you become a laughing stock in front of your friends.

Please forgive me for not sticking up for you but instead advising your friend with objectivity to approach you directly if she thinks that you are too close with other man and telling her that to love you means I have to trust you.

Please forgive me for not being able to understand how you say that you cannot trust me anymore because of that message conversation with your friend, but in real fact you stumbled upon my message conversation with your friend that is way down the message list, more than a year ago and require an extra click to view.

Please forgive me, for making your life a misery. But I still love you for who you are, hence I have never wanted you to go through the pain of being at the receiving end of my anger.

Things we learnt in a relationship

Stumble upon the following 10 things a person could learn in a good relationship in FB. You could read the original post here.

I couldn't agree more with these. However, I think the core of this all should be patience. If you have decided to throw yourself into a relationship and expose your vulnerability to that someone you love, why can't you give that person the benefit of the doubt and be patient with him/her?

Many times we jump into conclusion and exploded into a fit of rage before even letting the opposite party finish explaining. This is why I think point #1 couldn't have put in a better context.

1. Misunderstandings are inevitable.

Misunderstandings are going to happen. If you take your partner’s words one way, then learn they meant something totally different, don’t punish them. Let it go. Bringing it up all the time is only going to bruise the relationship and cause communication problems later. Sometimes what you say or do will be taken the wrong way, and you’ll get frustrated that your partner doesn’t understand. Take a step back and realize it’s not a big deal. Misunderstandings are made to be swept under the rug because they’re so minor. They only become problems if you let them grow bigger and mean more in the scope of your relationship. Be laid back and forgive misunderstandings.
No 2 persons are born the same. Even twins are different behaviourally and emotionally. There should be no reason that we expect our partners to behave or feel the same as we do. Hey, even our knowledge of things are different. It is everyone's right voice out his/her opinion, just the same as the rights to be respected. When there's a misunderstanding or understanding cannot be reached, neither raising voices, showing agitation or annoyance nor lecturing your partner will provide an understanding. Matter of fact it only makes the partner recluse or worse case it will only make he/she retaliate with more nasty response.

2. Learn to trust them.

You have to trust your partner. Why would you share your life with someone when you think they’re doing something wrong every time you turn your back? If you don’t trust your partner to be faithful, honest, caring, or anything else, then you’re not in a good relationship. The best relationships begin with a deep trust, and even if problems come up (and they will!), the trust is strong enough to keep you together.

3. Let yourselves miss each other.

You’re in love, so you want to be together all the time! It’s so fun to cuddle all night and be together all day, but when will you have time to experience different things? When you go to separate workplaces or schools, you experience things that will give you something to talk about later. When you go out with your friends and your partner spends time with theirs, you have time and space to yourself and come back to each other refreshed. You have a chance to miss each other, and it helps you really understand the value of your relationship. Missing someone is great because getting to see them after that period will make you so happy and so sure of your relationship.

4. Encourage growth and change.

In a good relationship, both partners are encouraged to grow and change. You have one life to live – you should explore it to the fullest! If you want to quit your job and go back to school, your partner should support you. If you want to try something new or go back to something old, you should find support in your relationship. And you should give this support in return. Encourage your partner to explore hobbies and interests and meet new people. If you want your partner to stay the same, you’re going to have a very boring life together.

5. Compromising doesn’t mean you’re weak.

Compromising doesn’t mean “giving in.” It doesn’t mean that you’ve lost the fight. In fact, it’s the opposite. Do you know how hard it is to compromise sometimes? You want your way because it sounds right and makes sense to you. Your partner is way off base with their suggestions. Take a step back and look at the argument diplomatically. What’s the logical conclusion? If your partner is right, don’t be afraid to say so. Accept their way, or modify both of your solutions to be half and half. The important thing is not getting your way, it’s staying in your relationship and helping it grow. Compromising will definitely help your relationship grow.
It's always hard to admit to things that we had done or opinionated wrongly. As couples spent more time together, it's only get tougher. But this is the small thing that makes a different. Sometimes saying sorry doesn't mean you are the one at wrong, but you are willing to compromise and pretend to be wrong because your partner is worth more than being on the winning side of a disagreement.

6. Admit your weaknesses.

Your partner doesn’t expect you to be a superhero, and hopefully you don’t expect that of them! We’re all human; we all have flaws. It’s ok to let these show. In fact, to have a stable, serious relationship, you need to let your weaknesses be known. Your partner will be more sensitive to things that bother you, and can help build you up in areas where you need some help.

7. Sometimes you can only accept things, not fix them.

People have baggage. You have some. Your partner has some. Can you go back and erase all of this? Nope! You’re stuck with it, and have to learn to deal with it. Some things are easier to get over than others, but the reality is that sometimes, you can’t fix things. You can’t make problems go away. You have to accept them and get over them and move on, or else your relationship will crumble.
Problems exist everywhere and on everything. At work, most problems can be fixed, but still when it comes to human emotion like customer experience, not all problems can be solved. What more when it comes to relationship when the parties involved are both human. It is learning to let go and understand sometimes the good outweigh the bad.

8. Forgive quickly and truly.

Whenever you have a fight, don’t worry about who wins or who loses. Learn from the fight – from what was said as much as from how it was resolved. Once you learn from a fight, you can apply that lesson to your relationship to avoid trouble later. That’s all well and good, but you’re not done! Forgive your partner! Forgive yourself. The fight is over, you’re past it, now let it go. Never hold anything against your partner because the resentment will build until you don’t want to be with them.

9. Never expect anything.

Don’t expect your partner to read your mind, or to bring you breakfast in bed, or to offer to wash the dishes. It’s not going to happen. You can’t expect anything from anyone – you have to make it known. Communicate. Make sure your partner knows what you expect from the relationship, as well as your opinions on a wide variety of issues. This will help them act considerate towards you, but still – don’t expect anything!

10. Show your feelings.

The worst thing you can do in a relationship is play games. Don’t tease your partner; don’t “reward” good deeds with love and affection. You have to make sure your partner always feels loved. You can be happy with them or be mad at them – it doesn’t matter – they just need to feel loved. They need to know your feelings in the moment as well, don’t get me wrong. But make sure you’re showing your feelings in a way that they won’t be misunderstood (back to #1!).

House Chores

I have been living by myself for 15 years now. House chores like sweeping, mopping, dusting and changing the sheets has been part and partial of everyday life. However, I still hated doing all these. I believe many people hated it too.

However it does not mean then they we should just not do it. As I was changing my queen size bedsheet and quilt cover this morning, I was thinking to myself, wouldn't it be nice if there were someone there to do these together with me. At least effort and dismay of doing chores will be divided by half.

Just random ranting.

Almost 2 years hiatus

It has been almost 2 years. So much had happened since. In March 2013, I decided to return to KL calling it quit on Singapore after my 1 year contract ended. It was a decision based on my situation then of which was what I would put it as lost in my career path and taking on a better role, and I thought it was. Being a manager of 191 staff, with half of what used to earn in Singapore and limitless challenges, it really spurred me on at the beginning until I have to raise the flag on my own manager that I would describe as intellectually incompetent and again feeling it was going to be a intellectually challenging career. 

Such is the irony of life. Then I started receiving calls from head hunters from Singapore on various job opportunities. And the rest as they would call it, "it was all history". Took up an offer Singapore and here I am back to the land of kiasu but with a very perspective and much more appreciation working in a company with lesser pressure, lesser pay than previously in Singapore but much more satisfaction and balance in life.

So, there. A 22 months worth of update in a few paragraphs. Hopefully I can start to be motivated again to pen about my life more often. Especially now that I have bought this bluetooth keyboard to motivate myself to write without having to sit in front of the laptop, of which I am lazy to do nowadays with convenient of an iPad. Actually it's more of an excuse to buy new toy! Haha.