Unfair

adjective not based on or showing fairness; unjust.

Kinda frustrated due this word. Don't know what to write or say about it. All I can say is..... LOYALTY... bullshit. No such a thing exist in this world especially in the corporate world. Fark loyalty... people can tell you how loyal you are and how much you will shine amongst the senior management. Yah... probably shining like a firefly isn't enough.

So, the next good (and I don't mean great) job comes along I will be out of the door. Sayonara...

Yes, am still in Malaysia

As mentioned earlier, I am suppose to leave for London for an assignment. But guess what? Taaaa... daaaa.... I'm still in Malaysia! Yes that sucks. The departure date has been a big question mark even until now, 3 months since. A lot of false hope, a lot of frustration along the way and I still don't know when I will be departing for London.

It's been like an emotional roller-coaster ride. Estatic... Happy... Excited... Worried... Relieve... Excited... Frustrated... Disappointed... and now, Leave it to God.

Since the initial news was broken, I was told that I will need to be there asap, which is within a month time. Then comes the bombshell saying that in order to work there for 4 months, I will require a work permit which takes 20 working days for application. After 20 working days, it is said that it actually require 5-7 weeks for the application. Then in the midst of all that, some arguement in the contract about my allowances. And now, even with all the chasing and constant email, I still don't know the status of my contract and work permit.

So, I'm sure everyone can feel my frustration. I must say, "I'm Sorry Sweetie!". She has been hanging around jobless waiting for our departure and I'm deeply sorry for her constant feeling of frustration and lost.

Anyhow, I can only hope for the best right now.

Some updates

Work
I was first told that my short-term assignment was suppose to start somewhere end of June. That is why I was frantically settling things at home and personally. Also preparing and making sure I don't forget to buy any important stuff that I need to bring to the UK. No no no!!! Not things like sambal belacan! Then after all the hoo-haa in the contracts and visas, it's finally decided they need to apply a work permit for me to work in London. So, it's another 6-8 weeks from now on. Anyway, though some stresses in life, at least I think I got some stuff settled.

MYself
Hasn't been doing much fun stuff lately. Hands have been quite itchy since I've been neglecting my Canon EOS 350D for more than 2 weeks now. I should probably plan an early morning this week to catch some morning sunlight. Watched Kung Fu Panda, but was too lazy to put up a review on the movie. Hehehe... Has been playing a lot of Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core lately, made myself a little bit of couch potato all weekend long on my PSP.

Alright, till I've got more and feel like writing... that's all for now folks.

The Beginning of a Journey

As mentioned in my entry titled butterflies in my stomach, I have had an interview 2 weeks ago. I have got an answer back from the interviewer.

The answer I've got is a "YESSSS". I've got the job. Which means I'm going to London for a short-term assignment for about 4 months. When will it start? I don't know, it's probably less than a month time and I will have to leave for London. So, until I talk to them about the details, this is all I know for now.

This is probably the beginning of a new chapter in my life. Let's see.

Related entries:
butterflies in my stomach
1 week after the interview

1 week after the interview

I still have not hear from them yet. It's about the blog entry regarding the butterflies in my perut. Nope, I'm not anxious at all. Why you would ask? Probably it's because I'm used to disappointment or rather, I leave it to fate and luck now. No point for me to lose sleep just to think about what to do when I got the job if in the end I don't get it.

My 2 bossess are very much anxious about it and are really puzzled why I don't seem anxious at all. I don't know either. Hahaha. It is what it is. So, until they email me I'll just have to carry on with my life. And the weekend is here... movie and bookfest. Oh yah, most importantly my sleep, need to catch up quite a bit. Kakaka. Have a nice weekend everyone.

bad news and good news

Bad News
More and more work and resposibility at work. Lesser excuse to do mistake and pretend to be a rookie.

Good News
... that's because I've been promoted to be a Manager!!! Woo hooo.....



p/s: Don't ask me to treat you to some meal. Imagine everyone that knows me and knows about my promotion wants me to treat him/her to a meal... No matter how much extra I got from my promotion, it will not be enough to cover even for a year. So, STOP ASKING ME TO BELANJA!!! Yes, I kucing (ngiao) punye!

Butterflies in my stomach

I'm having a very important interview tomorrow and I'm frantically preparing for it. I think I've prepared quite enough, but I'm sure no matter how much I prepare, it's never enough for my 2 bosses. Yah, it's an internal movement so my 2 bosses know about it.

The worse thing is, my bigger boss actually helped me to network and promote me to the interviewers when she met them about a week ago. So, I guess the biggest fear is not failing the interview, it's more about disappointing my boss. Sigh...

Nope, not going to elaborate more on it until I got an answer. Don't wanna jinx it. Hahaha... We shall see.

Career Move

It's been a while my career had been stagnant.  It's probably due to boredom.  It's probably due to the comfort to be in comfort.  It's probably due to my finance.  It's probably due to career goal.  Whatever the reasons are, I'm ready for a change.  The time couldn't have been better when I made up my mind about a week ago.  Now I have 3 options that is all in unconfirmed statuses.

1. Stay wherever I'm and expect for a promotion that I've been expecting since last year.
2. Grab on to the next opportunity the headhunter from Robert Walters has to offer when they call.
3. Apply for some of the interesting international postings that is available for application within my organization. 

Now, I didn't say that the above 3 options are guaranteed.  If I were to say, all the options has a less than 50% possibilities.  Whichever option I choose, it's going to be a tough decision.  There are factors of time, money, development, opportunities and lifestyle that makes the deciding-on-a-choice a thorough thinking process.  Headache...

It's been 1044 days and counting...

5 Reasons That Deter Me From Going To Work

After almost a week of vacation, I have to go back to work again tomorrow. Have any of you ever feel that going to work is just for the sake of earning your 3 meals to survive and it's a torture to do so? I do. But there was a time when going to work is something I look forward to everyday, even on weekends.

So, what's deterring my urge of going to work?

1. No colleagues that you can call friends at work, coz
   a.) my friend became an authoritarian
   b.) other colleagues are just waiting to devour me if I ever take a wrong step
   c.) other colleagues can't wait to suck my blood knowledge and stab me from my back
   d.) all colleagues have their own agenda to climb higher than I am (though I'm the same level as them, but with longer and more experience), just because my boss told them I am smart (not that I think I am)
   e.) one moment they can say how smart and clever I am to my face, but the next moment they will go tell another colleague that they don't understand why the boss think I'm smart
2. Fun environment became dramatic environment - people judge you from the way you walk, talk, laugh and wear rather than your work performance.
3. A team became a 2 person's department - every decision used to be a team effort, now it became 2 person's decision and by the time the department knows about it, it means the decision has been made with the highest "professionalism" of how the 2 person THINK the department should be ran
4. Talking (or so called chit-chatting) with colleagues from other department while sitting in front of the pc and working away = I'm too free and got nothing to do
5. Leave work on time is a sin

So, I guess this is what people call for centuries, "politic". But as our career life progresses, this kinda scenario/situation increases. I must admit politic exist in almost everywhere we go or everyone we relates to, that's why I am tolerant enough to just sit and wait for the next dagger to fly towards my way from my back. Anyhow, life still goes on. I can sit down and cry about it, but I choose to write it in my blog to rant about it and "try" to forget it and also cover my arse along the way at work. Less say = Less trouble.

Do you have any more absurb reasons than mine that makes you feel that going to work is a torture? Probably you share the my sentiments at your place of work. Share it with me will ya? At least I know that I'm not the worst. Otherwise, I will think I'm the worst. Buahahaha.

Disclaimer: No names were mentioned in this blog entry. It is up to the reader(s) to interpret the colleagues and friend that were mentioned but no responsibility will be bore by the writer for any misinterpretation. It is also the responsibility of the reader and the reader himself/herself to think that they are the colleagues and friends that were mentioned in the blog entry.

Sad, fed up, helpless and useless

Something happen to a colleague in the office today. When I heard the news, I was shocked. I didn't know what to do. Or even, what can I do to stop it?

She one of the only 2 friends that I have in the company. Now that she's gone... it's really sad. Though it's juz a matter of time she is leaving (according to her plan), but this soon... it's juz not right at all.

I tried sending her a text and calling her, but she's neither replying my text nor answering my call. I'm sure it's a big blow for her. Now it feels so empty without her sitting behind me... not that we speak a lot, since we can't do that... but we did write a lot.

I'm sad, fed up, feel helpless and feel useless. I feel that I have to bear part of the responsibility of what she's going thru. Afterall, I was the one who got her back into the company. Afterall, I'm probably the bridge that can link things given the privilege that I have.

I'm so sorry...

Supposed Holiday

It's Awal Muharram today, if I got it right. And it's a public holiday and I have to work. As though it's not bad enough, I have 2 consecutive night conference calls that last till 10pm.

:(

I hate coming to work...

If my move is gonna be monitored every second that I step into the office, it's just a matter of time that I snap. I don't like to be intimidated, I don't like to be distrusted and hell I don't like to be treated like a kid. Fark!!!

I think I have Internet Access

A few months ago, the IT department in our company added like hundreds of site into their internet filter list. And one of it is [anything].blogspot.com and hence I can't even browse thru URL that has a blogspot.com in it using my workstation. But I only realise a few days ago, I still can login to blogger.com which is the editor website for blogspot.com. Hahaha... Which I kinda find it silly. But it's just a matter of time when they figure that the frequency of visits to blogger.com increase and eventually filter and block it as well.

Anyway, now I can still pen in some stuff from time to time until this site is blocked as well.



Does the comic strip sounds familiar to anyone? I think I'm quite safe from this situation as my boss does cares a lot about exposure and visibility for all her staff. But I've seen and heard a lot about stuff like that happen everyday in the corporate. So are you one of them?

Updates

Ok, it took me more than a month to update this blog again. Just finish watching a DVD, which I haven't been doing for a long time since I have my PSP, and couldn't get to sleep. Yup, life's pretty much all about work and PSP. Ok, let's break it down and go thru 1 at a time.

Work
Things has been crazy. We have finally got what we have wanted for all these years, that is the recognition on the work that we had done. Hence, this brings a lot of important projects into our plate. Fortunately, this is not a 1 boss and 2 employee department anymore. We are 1 boss, 1 PA and 5 employees department now. I guess there's always good and bad for all things. As we are able to manage our projects more efficiently now, the relationship were not as close as it was as well. Anyway, what do I expect? When the crowd grows, the control over it is definitely harder. And of course, the rush of going work suddenly disappear. It's even more sad to go to work than staying at home alone, coz it doesn't makes a different. Am still lonely as it is at work, except it's more pressuring at the office when people surrounding you gives you that creep. Hopefully, I can last thru for another 17 months, that's when my boss' contract would end.

Helee, I'm sorry that we don't have the chance to work together this time. I guess things are not the same as it was anymore. Hopefully we will cross each other's path again. So, don't be a shy cat and buzz me as and when you can. Will be glad to hear from you again.

Studies
Yup, Jasmine was asking me on how this goes. I thought I've pen this down somewhere in my blog, but I guess I've miss it. Ok, this is what happen. I've my an offer for MBA in Sheffield. But I think I need to replan my finance and in the mean time, since my boss is back into the game and the department is ready to roll again, I thought I can stay with my boss for a while continue to absorb as much as I can from her while I can. In the meantime, I shall plan thru my financial plan for furthering my study.

Personal Note
Bought a new laptop on Friday. I have to depart with my 4-year relationship Twinhead since it starting to show symptom of dying. Then a friend of mine advised me to sell it while I still can eventhough it's for a few hundred bucks is better than nothing. So, I grab a new one and pass my twinhead to him for sale.

Has been working some crazy hours a few weeks ago, which left my shoulder and neck stiff and excruciating painful. Anyhow, found a good "Tit Tar" and got it very much relieved now. Then it's about my mum who's applying to go to New Zealand to pack fruits. I didn't stop, but I didn't encourage her as well I know she must has been sad about my "silent" discouragement. I really don't mind her to go adventuring even at the age of 55. I'm just worried about my dad being alone at home. The nearest of his next to kin will be about 3.5 hours away from him if there's something happen to him (choy!!! touch wood!!!). Anyway, my mum has us best at heart that is why she's trying not to rely on her children. But there's a lot of math to it with the worries that we have for our far far away dad (phone bills, more frequent travel cost, etc). But who am I to tell me my what to do and what not to do. After all, I inhereted my sense of adventure from her.


Alrity, this is all that I have to say for now. There are a lot more, but those are all details and if I were to write them all in, it will take me days to write it, and I'm sure half-way thru it, I've forgotten what I wanted to write. Hehehehe... Anyhow, let's just hope things works out for the better... that is all that I can hope for. Afterall, there are so many things in this world that are beyond our control (Su Chin, if you are look at this entry, this is what you should keep in your mind... hehehe).

It's been a while

Haven't been updating my blog for quite a while. Since the last blog, a lot has been happening. I've got my PSP, that explains my laziness in updating my blog while I am at home... Hehehe... Then it's the work. Been really busy with work in the office and what am I working on was to get Su Chin back and Mei into the department. Yup, my lovely colleague that went to Shanghai is back. After all the dramatic endless farewell dinner, she's back in Malaysia and back as (probably) my boss. Hehehe... glad to have her back today into the office.

Another busy stuff that was occupying my working life is the move. I'm no longer a Cyberjayan. I've officially moved to KL today. Yup, office has moved, not the whole office, juz my department. It's great to finally being able to work in the town. As usual, there's always pros and cons. Pay extra for the fuel and car park, but save an hour everyday from travelling. And I finally got a desk where there's windows nearby, actually it's everywhere.

Now, my department is a team of 5. And few more to come. It's going to be different from it used to be, but there are always pros and cons to everything. So, I am eager to see what's installed for the future.

Then it was my Hong Kong vacation on Aug 8-12. Was really nice, except it's a group of friends which stands at 11 people includes me and sweetie. It was a bit chaotic. Nonetheless, everyone went shopping crazy. The sales and stuff is irresistable.

Anyhow, that's the quick update... Had watched a lot of movies, almost complete my 8+1 movies to watch this summer. Will update on that in a bit. Now, back to my PSP. Hehehe...

Emotional Ride

Thought I escaped from the office after giving Su Chin a hug and goodbye. But the ride home in the bus was rather like a ride thru time and uncontrollably, my eyes is filled with... you know what. I could remember the day we started off in the department when we were still strangers. Then the 2 weeks of intensive learning curve and overtime where Hele was the first to leave us and bring a sense of missing an important piece.

Later on, it's the lunch at Nasi Ayam Malaysia in the Street Mall, a lot of chats. Later on it's the listening and singing to Jay Chou's songs. And come the hard time when she has to jump into the project that I'm doing to help me out. The confrontations with those defensive bastards. The late nights and extremely early morning (6am leaving the office together). The part when you have to encourage each others to keep our eyes open even if it's 3am and we are still in the office.

And recently the almost neverending farewell dinner for Su Chin. And finally today...

Frustrated with work

Recently I have been offered with a few opportunities for advanvement in career. And these are really good ones. Though things seems to work out perfectly for me, it just don't seems to go as smooth as I would like it to be.

There have been a few offers coming my way, but unless I finish with the project on hand right now, I can't move on. One would say, then just finish your project quickly and move on. If only things were that easy. I've been bumping into so many roadblocks on the project that I'm almost at the verge of giving up. But I can't. I can't let the people like my boss and the MD (who has been so supportive in sending me for the training to complete this project) down. Most important of all, I'm not willing to let those that looked down on me and think that I'm not capable of finishing this project look down on me.

And hence, I'm stuck in between.

After almost a month...

Haven't been updating the blog for a while. Has been really down and confused lately that I didn't know how to type-down. But everything is better now and the sunlight has shed a little more and make the path more visible now. Alright, let's go thru everything 1 by 1.

First of all, about the career/life changing thingy I mentioned here. Since it has almost come to an end of it, I think I can write about openly in my blog. More than a month ago, I was informed by my boss that her boss was looking for someone to go for a 12-18 months assignment to the UK. And he asked whether I am willing to do that. Of course I was delighted. But that is all about it on the details. Nothing was metioned on the terms, compensation, benefits, what I'm going to do there and who am I going to report to. Another factor was and still is that I'm still working on my project with the current centre I'm in. It's quite politically incorrect to just leave my project and go away. After much discussion and arguements, these top people finally decided that I should stay and finish my current project. It might sound quite disappointing, but I take it as a positive news. At least I don't have to go to somewhere that I don't know the situation and what's my role would be. And so, I have the headache that has been bugging me for about a month gone.

That's the confused and pressured part.

Now, it's about my Chinese New Year. Went back to BP. My sweetie too. She has to follow me because the flight ticket back to her home is too expensive this time and monetarily, it's not worth going home. Anyway, it's quite a boring CNY for her, since all we do were gamble, yamcha, boozing, gamble, yamcha, yamcha, yamcha and more yamcha. Maybe I didn't feel it's something bored, coz it's been like that all these years. The only different this year is that I didn't really got to see a lot of those friends that normally I can only get to see once in a year (which is CNY). It's so sad to finally realise that all those highschool friends are drifting apart from each other from year to year. I'm considered lucky that I still have the normal bros-frm-da-hood gang that we keep in touch all the time in KL.

Anyway, that's pretty much for that I have to type. Will try to update more frequently.

All in a long long time

Have not been blogging for sometime, though I wanted to. It's not that I don't have the time. It's not that I don't have anything to blog about. It's just that there's so much of things that I can't blog about.

Some of these things are about the company, becoz it's kinda confidential. Some of these things are about it. I can't blog about it becoz it's politically incorrect and it might upset people.

So, what am I going to blog about now? Hmmm... maybe the general view of how I past thru my life these few un-blogging weeks. First of all, it's pressurizing. Has been project managing a project since I finish my Six Sigma Black Belt training in Hong Kong. It has not been an easy time. Had so much to project manage. People (really high-up), timeline (really getting late) and politics (really dark especially when India is involved). I had been so worried about the progress of this project that I can't sleep well, I went to work with fear, fear of failure is the biggest. It's just in my nature not wanting to fail and lose... though I have to learn to fail. But I will at least fight the very last breath before it fail.

Then during all these time... things change course. I'm not sure whether it's for the better or worse. All I can say is it's going to impact my career. Maybe for the better. But in life, maybe not so. So, here you go, another headache for me.

It's not actually headache, it's juz something that I need a lot of time thinking about it....

p/s: Can't really say bout what's the career/life changing thing I described till it's confirmed. Somehow it's still politically incorrect or actually it's a p&c thingy involving the company. Hm....

3rd Anniversary

Today is my third anniversary in my current company. Never ever would I dream I would stay in this place for such a long time. Happy 3rd Anniversary to all my MSC friends. It's been a long journey for all of us, some left, some stayed, some got promoted and some went further than we ever though we could. But most of all, we still remember the 1st day we meet at 29th Dec 2003.

All the best to everyone as you are the one that crossed my path and left a unforgotten memory.